From Prince/Princessing … Toward Personhood

Shambhala students learn how to take prince/princessing apart piece by piece; by doing so, they learn how to keep the illusions of romantic love from destroying their relationships.

The Shambhala Master

Shambhala Masters know that romantic love, its pictures, its illusions, its expectations, and its chemical rushes actually destroy the possibility for Intimate moments. We know that our students want romance and emotional intensity in their lives. Consequently, they need to understand the hidden subtleties of romance, not the way most people try to figure out sexual chemistry and why opposites attract, or how to find and land the perfect mate, or how to keep love alive once you have hooked someone, or how to keep your partner sexually interested after the honeymoon is over.

Instead of trying to understand how love works or how to do romance, Shambhala students study the liabilities, as well as the benefits, of romantic love. They discover what romantic love and emotional intensity are at their very essence. Shambhala students learn how to take prince/princessing apart piece by piece; by doing so, they learn how to keep romantic love from destroying their relationships.

THE LIABILITIES OF ROMANTIC LOVE

ROMANTIC ILLUSIONS: HOW THEY UNDERMINE ROMANCE AND INTIMACY

Shambhala Masters know there are countless liabilities accompanying the roles, expectations, and chemical rushes of romantic love. They know that these liabilities jeopardize Intimacy, as well as romantic intensity. One such liability is the performance expectations associated with the roles and pictures of White Knights and Shining Halos. Shambhala students learn how these performance expectations become burdensome tasks which eventually destroy what was once pleasurable in their relationships.

PERFORMANCE EXPECTATIONS

One of the most clearly understood, though seldom discussed, responsibilities of the “good wife” and the “good husband” is to keep your partner sexually satisfied. This responsibility is typically a pleasure in the early months, and sometimes in the first few years, of the relationship. But, as the chemical rush and the novelty wears off, keeping your mate sexually satisfied is not always so pleasant. She finds ways to bow out: the children, a headache, her period, she had a long day. He begins to lean towards quickies. Eventually, partners start dodging even non-sexual warmth with each other because of fears that these sweet moments will become a prelude to sexual duty.

UNDERMINING PERSONAL WORTH

Shambhala Masters also know that prince/princessing performance expectations dictate behavior. These same prince/princessing expectations are also the yardsticks used to measure your value as a person. If a woman does not measure up to all that is expected of a perfect princess, if she is not constantly desired, sensual, a responsive lover, a willing domestic servant, a faithful companion, adoring wife, and nurturing mother, she will feel like a failure. If a man does not measure up to all that is expected of a perfect prince, a confident leader, a self-contained rock, a competent provider, a powerfully romantic lover, and a take-charge father, he will feel like a failure.

We teach our Shambhala students these prince/princessing expectations not only convince you that you are less than what you are, but prince/princessing expectations also pair you up with the wrong people. For example, prince/princessing expectations cause women to be chemically aroused by overly-masculine men, even though these same women may intellectually and philosophically dislike his macho style.

On the other hand, women are likely to be intellectually drawn to men who are more balanced, emotionally available, sensitive, caring and communicative. But, because chemical responses trump intellect, most women will gravitate towards and create partnerships with men for whom they have little to no regard.

Men are in the same chemical and intellectual conflict. They are chemically aroused by voluptuous, sensual, attentive, constantly available, compliant females.

If he follows his biological/chemical programming and partners with such a princess, he is likely to be intellectually, physically, and spiritually bored. Eventually, he will reduce her to an object he owns and must maintain. If he follows his intellectual inclinations and bonds with a woman he respects and admires, a woman who has developed her mental capacities, is multi-dimensional and self-contained, then he is likely to yearn for the warmth, softness, sensuality, deference, and constant availability of the Shining Halos he has been biologically trained to desire.

FORFEITING MULTI-DIMENSIONALITY

Shambhala students learn that the romantic pictures of White Knights and Shining Halos are charming and chemically rushy, but they are much more complex and costly than they originally realized. As students they learn that one of the prices of falling victim to the roles and performance expectations of the perfect prince and princess is the rejection of their rich, multi-dimensional personhood.

To be a perfect prince or princess requires the rejection of one half of ourselves. We learn this as toddlers. Little girls are taught to develop the attributes their society considers to be feminine and to avoid what their society considers to be masculine. Girls are encouraged to walk, not run, to verbalize rather than act out, to play quietly rather than boisterously, to play indoors as opposed to outdoors, to play passive games instead of rough and tumble contact games, to keep neat and clean rather than getting dirty, and to play mommy rather than daddy.

Little boys are taught to develop the attributes their society considers masculine and to avoid what their society considers feminine. Boys are encouraged to take what they want rather than patiently waiting for someone to get it for them, to risk injury and try something new rather than playing it safe, to bounce back and quickly recover from falls as opposed to looking for attention and assistance from others, to figure things out for themselves rather than run to others for help, to be activity focused rather than overly self-conscious of their physical appearance.

The contrasts go on forever. Contrasts that most people seldom stop to think about. But Shambhala Masters know that these socially created contrasts are drummed into people so pervasively that they consider them to be gender inherent. Most think that these gender contrasts are “natural.”

By over-developing one side of themselves and letting the other side atrophy, our Shambhala students are robbed of 50% of what is rightfully theirs. You feel the loss. You experience the void. The emptiness gnaws at you. Then, magically, you are given the “natural” solution for filling your emptiness and finding the missing half of yourself. You are taught to transfer your yearning for the lost half of yourself into a search for your missing half. You feel driven, entitled, and destined to find — Mr. or Miss Right.

Once found, you have been taught to believe that he or she will fill your emptiness. He or she will make you happy. Once partnered your expectations soar. You now feel entitled to happiness and fulfillment. It has been promised to you for all of your life. After all, you gave up so much of yourself, at least one half of yourself, so you are entitled to what was promised.

But, in reality, Shambhala Masters know that no matter how much your partner “loves” you, your partner can not restore what was taken away from you. Your partner cannot make you whole again. Your partner cannot return your missing half.

People, who could come together as individuals learning how to recapture the missing parts of themselves from within, instead, place impossible expectations upon each other. They will now slowly grow to resent and even hate themselves and each other for not getting what was promised — wholeness.

CONTRACTUAL LIMITATIONS

Shambhala Masters know that the Ppurpose of Lice is to live it fully and joyfully — to taste of all that is in front of us. Why? So that we may learn from everything we experience. This is not an endorsement for indiscriminate gluttony, but a Call for a never ending, childlike exploration and learning. It is this open-minded exploration of the world that enlivens and expands the child. It also inspirits adults and keeps us forever young.

But, if our students do what the prince/princess is expected to do, if our students commit to one person, they narrow the horizon of their Lives. They severely limit their Lice experiences.

By committing yourselves to each other, forever, and only to each other, you rob yourselves of the choice to be with each other. You have been taught that by giving up your freedom and your autonomy, and by contractually committing yourselves to be with each other, that you will live "happily ever after." But prisons are not romantic or happy places.

Another liability that accompanies the contractual expectations of White Knights and Shining Halos is that these pictures convince you that people have a limited capacity for Intimacy and romantic caring. These contractual limitations tell us we can “really love” only one person at a time. They tell you that Loving more than one person at a time is (1) impossible, (2) dangerous, and (3) wrong. You will believe this even though it is obviously not the case. Husbands and wives have been loving other people inside (children) and outside (affairs, friends, siblings, etc.) their marriages ever since opposite sex pair bonding was developed as a survival/economic tool.

If Shambhala students believe that they have a limited capacity to Love (Know, appreciate, and embrace others), then they will narrowly define themselves and others in terms of these limited capacities. You will define yourself and others as married with children, working in a certain industry, belonging to a certain church, living in a specific community, belonging to a certain race, State, and Nation.

These will be your affiliations; these will be your tightly drawn circles, your zones of familiarity and comfort. They will become your identity. But, these tightly drawn circles, these identities, also become your prisons. This misconception of yourself and others robs you from knowing we are all an integral part of an infinite universe, and that we are all “Intimately” connected to all Lice, human or not. Religious wars, nations against nations, incest, and child, spousal, and elder abuse are all facilitated by your tightly drawn circles. This narrowed sense of affiliation fosters a “we - they” perspective that threatens you, promotes hostilities, and leads to an ongoing sense of paranoia and personal alienation.

This dangerous myth of “limited capacity” alienates you from others by creating a hypersensitivity to the differences in people, i.e., age, sex, roles, talents, gifts, religion, social status, race, cultural backgrounds, etc. This dangerous myth of “limited capacity” creates a comparative-competitive measuring system where different comes to mean better or worse, right or wrong, good or bad.

The myth of “limited capacity” condemns you to a mentality of scarcity. Out of this artificial sense of scarcity you either envy and covet the position, talent, ability, roles, and good fortune of others or you self-righteously condemn others (outsiders) as undesirable. The myth of “limited capacity” creates artificial lines of demarcation, identity, and territoriality, which you must fortify and defend. This “we - they” perspective cultivates and amplifies a false and intimidating sense of our differences instead of highlighting our amalgamating similarities and infinite oneness.

The myth of “limited capacity” destroys your sense of interconnectedness and world community. It estranges you from what you are an integral part of. It blinds you to your unity and to your solidarity with all that exists.

HONORING PERSONHOOD: A SPIRITUAL CHALLENGE

Shambhala Masters are familiar with the chorus chanting, “We will never give up prince/princessing. Why give up romance and the rush that goes with it? Why give up the best parts of life? Never!” We know this sense of entitlement to prince/princessing blinds people to its liabilities.

But, whether or not the masses recognize the dangers of clinging to the illusions of prince/princessing, this is not the concern of Shambhala students. You are the awakening, not the awakeners. It is not your responsibility to disturb those who prefer to sleep. You have your hands full keeping yourselves from falling back into your own mind-dulling slumbers. You have your hands full challenging yourselves to focus on the often painful Truths and Realities of your own lives. You have your hands full requiring yourselves to let go of confusion, daring to know what you Know, see what you See, and stop running from the painful complexities of your lives. You have your hands full re-integrating your Selves and reclaiming your original wholeness.

*The word “Called,” is spelled with a bold capital “C.” The Shambhala Master uses bold capitals when referring to the primal, Core, spiritual essence of a word, as opposed to the conventional understanding of the word. Please consult the Master’s Glossary for the definition of this and other unfamiliar terms.

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